a back seat

This isn't going to be fully articulated, because, well, if it was...it would an even longer time coming (and a longer post!).

Discussions (and struggles) with "women in ministry" (particularly, leadership in ministry) have been an undercurrent of the last few years of my life, knowing and loving several women with leadership roles (official and non) and myself being a woman serving in various capacities. And though I'm definitely not settled, I am more at peace, trying to trust God's heart is this.

I am slightly more comfortable with roles in marriage (which gets tricky when I try to extrapolate that onto women in ministry...). I think there's a very real freedom that comes with submission (for the sake of the Lord) in the context of marriage. That being said, I think "submission" can look different in every woman, every couple, so submission with the Hubs and I is different than in the marriages we see around us.

For our second anniversary, we tooled around on our tandem bicycle, and it was, quite frankly, absolutely fabulous. And really challenging. And, as previously mentioned, a pretty ideal analogy.

Challenges:
I can't see where we're going (or, at least, what's immediately in front of us)
I can't control when or how fast we pedal, and we have different pedaling preferences. (Who pedals while you're going downhill?!!)
I have to trust my husband with my physical well-being.

Fabulousness:
I don't need to hold on to the handlebars.
I can look around and enjoy the view (of my husband's back / all of the lovely Alaskan things)
I don't have to do all the work of getting from Point A to Point B by myself (and actually, I can take "breaks"...shhh!)
We go farther than I would ever dream of going on my own, and when we get there, I'm not exhausted.

On the bicycle, my husband is the undisbuted leader ("head," if you will). He sets the pace, steers the course, and really, does the bulk of the work (I'm an athletic weenie). Could I do those things from my seat in the back? Nope. Do I think I have a "back seat" in my marriage? Most definitely not. Can I derail the whole bicycle if I really want to? Yes. Can I do the same thing to my marriage? You bet.

For better or worse, we're both crucial elements, on the bike, and in our home. Just as when we're on the bike, I need to communicate things from my perspective (like when I lose my footing on the peddles and have to stick my feet straight out... or when he wants to dive into conflict resolution too quickly, and I still need space). I need to carry my own weight (even though he peddles harder / picks me up when I don't). I {need to} fully participate.

As a wife -- as a spouse -- I have the privilege (and challenge) of loving and serving my Husband. And as a wife, I am called by my Savior to submit to husband. Honestly, in our marriage, it's a very subdued sort of "submission." My husband - out of who he is (and who he is growing into) - leads. And I love who he is. I love his character, his integrity, his passion for Truth, for Jesus. For me, in this season, submission is a willingness to be encouraged and challenged by him in words and actions as we both pursue Christ.

Disclaimer: "Submission" as concept and in practice is still really vague for us. The Hubs and I are both okay with that. We value "being a team" with equal, albeit different, contributions. And, following his lead when we're in conflict is really difficult for me, and a definite area for growth. It's like when we've been on the bike, trying to go up a big hill, and I'm tired and whiney and don't care that he has to do most of the work. Not so good.